LGBTQ+ Language and Terminology Crash Course

Now that we’ve covered all the other letters in the acronym (LGBTQ+), let’s dig in to the T. Transgender. That’s what brought you here, after all. How is transgender defined? The simplest and broadest definition is someone whose gender identity is different than what they were assigned at birth.

 

Before getting into trans identities, let’s first take a moment to look again at the mini-dictionary of terms that will help us here:

 

Sex: the biological categories (male or female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.

 

Gender: Someone’s internal sense of being male, female, or another identity. 

 

Gender Expression: How someone manifests their gender identity, whether it is through clothing, hairstyles, mannerisms, etc. Often classified as masculine or feminine. 

 

The concepts of gender and sex, and the differences between them, can sometimes be hard to understand, especially if this is your first time learning about these terms. So let’s break it down and start at the beginning. When a baby is born, the medical professional overseeing the birth will take a look at what reproductive organs the baby is born with and will declare “it’s a boy!” or “it’s a girl!” and write M or F on the baby’s birth certificate. What they are identifying is the baby’s sex. Their gender identity, which is their internal sense of feeling male, female, or another identity, is assumed to be the same as their gender. As an aside, the idea that someone identifies as either male or female is referred to as the gender binary, binary being a word that broadly means two distinct and all-encompassing categories. This is a concept we’ll explore further in depth later on. The act of declaring someone’s sex and gender when they’re born is where we get the phrase “sex/gender assigned at birth.” When I was born, I was assigned female at birth, as I was born with female reproductive organs.

 

I want to take a minute here to highlight something really important. As much as some of us would like to believe that there are still some things in the world that are black and white, the reality is that very little in this world is truly binary. As an example, let’s revisit biological sex, about which we have been taught that human beings are exclusively born male or female. In actuality, some folks are born as what’s called Intersex, which is something that is minimally discussed and even less understood. The Intersex Society of North America defines Intersex as “a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.” This, like most of the other things we’ve discussed, is a broad category that extends to a lot of people. The ISNA points out that “Though we speak of intersex as an inborn condition, intersex anatomy doesn’t always show up at birth. Sometimes a person isn’t found to have intersex anatomy until she or he reaches the age of puberty, or finds himself an infertile adult, or dies of old age and is autopsied. Some people live and die with intersex anatomy without anyone (including themselves) ever knowing.” There is also a tragic history worldwide of doctors attempting to “fix” intersex babies and suggesting or even forcing “gender normalization” surgeries on otherwise healthy intersex babies to make them more “clearly male or female.” Several studies found that many of the babies that have these surgeries chosen for them grow up to identify as transgender or to feel very negatively towards their parents for making this life-altering decision for them. Fortunately, thanks to the work of tireless and powerful intersex advocates, many hospitals are beginning to ban these surgeries. Though this may be a group you haven’t heard of before, it isn’t a small group by any means. Human Rights Watch estimates that at least 1 in every 2,000 people is born with some form of atypical genitalia, which is the exact cutoff for something to be classified as “rare”. Though this may seem small, it amounts to around 4 million people, which is more than the individual populations of 50% of the states in the US! 

 

What we’ve talked about so far is what happens in the four walls of whatever room a baby is born in, so we’re going to move on to explore how these concepts impact the majority of our lives. Once folks know the sex of their baby, there are certain things that are expected or planned for based on that sex. Nurseries are painted pink or blue, closets are stocked full of “future princess” or “little ladies man” onesies, and assumptions are made about what they’ll like to do and who they’ll grow up to be. These are known as their gender roles; expectations that are placed on that child based solely on whether they have XX or XY chromosomes. Here’s the thing. As a general rule, the concept of fitting people into any type of box isn’t very beneficial to anyone, and gender is one of the most well known and influential binary-box-divides. The good news is, there has been an incredible amount of progress towards moving away from these norms and creating a more open society. 

 

Though in the full version of this book there will be a whole chapter specifically for parents, I want to highlight something really important now. I am not suggesting that you raise your children entirely absent of gender. What I’m advising is that you raise your children with openness to things outside of what’s typically expected of their gender. This note applies to the whole movement to get rid of gender norms. We’re trying to get rid of the idea of what people have to do, not what people can do. Focus on what makes you feel happy and empowered, regardless of what gendered label is attached to it. Here I offer you a simple challenge— try to think about your own life, your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. Are there things that you feel you have to do because of your gender identity? Are there things you’re afraid to do because they’re outside of the norm for your gender? How does your gender identity color your perspectives and experiences? By looking at ourselves with intention and thoughtful questions, you’d be surprised at what you might learn. 

 

This idea of a relationship existing between your gender and the way you live your life leads us into our next definition: gender expression. Your expression is the way that you choose to present yourself. How you dress, how you wear your hair, or how you interact with others. Your expression can change based on things like how you’re feeling that day or how comfortable you are with the people you’re around. For me, I identify as male and when I’m around people that I don’t feel very safe with, I try extra hard to present very masculinely so they don’t doubt my identity or make incorrect assumptions about me. When I’m with my close friends or family, I feel comfortable putting less effort into being “intentionally masculine.” Though my gender expression and identity line up, they don’t have to for everyone. Many people identify as female but present more masculinely, or identify as male but present more androgynously (without a gender). Just as there are many ways someone can identify, there are many ways people can express those identities! 

 

Now that we’ve got a grasp of what gender is and how we show it, let’s talk about what it means to be transgender. There are many different ways that people define or identify as transgender, so we’ll start with the simplest. The two identities that everyone has heard of are male and female, and the definition of transgender that most people have heard of is transitioning from one of those to the other. I’m an example of this, I was born female and began my transition to male just over 5 years ago. Others are born male and transition to female. There are a couple of different words people may use to describe people who transition in this way. Here’s a quick dictionary of the most common related acronyms and phrases:

 

AMAB: assigned male at birth

AFAB: assigned female at birth

FtM: female-to-male

MtF: male-to-female

Trans man: someone who is transitioning to male

Trans woman: someone who is transitioning to female 

 

Additionally, here is a dictionary of words that people often use but are NOT appropriate or correct and should not be used:

 

Hermaphrodite

Transgendered

The transgenders

 

You may have also heard the term cisgender, which we can break down with our prefix knowledge. The prefix “cis-” means “on the same side as”, which essentially means someone whose gender identity and sex assigned at birth are the same. Whether they know it or not, most people identify as cisgender. Most broadly, cisgender is the opposite of transgender. If we look at the definition of transgender in these terms, it’s someone whose gender identity is different than the sex they were assigned at birth. This is where we get into the idea of trans as an umbrella term that encapsulates many identities. Though some people are trans and identify as male or female, there are many other ways people can identify. 

 

Gender is not just a one-or-the-other identity. It’s a broad spectrum that has many variations of identities where people can be creative and authentic and identify as whatever feels right to them. There are a lot of different labels here, so here’s a short list of the most common ones. 

 

Nonbinary: someone who does not identify as male or female. Some folks just identify as nonbinary while others use it as an umbrella term and have other labels they use as well. 

 

Genderqueer: To understand what it means to be Genderqueer, let’s look back on the definition of queer that we talked about earlier. Queer, as it relates to sexuality, is an umbrella term for those who have attractions that are outside of what society views as “normal”, so to apply that here, genderqueer is an umbrella term for a gender identity that is outside of what’s viewed as “normal”. In this case, “normal” is male or female. 

 

Genderfluid: someone whose identity fluctuates over time. It may change by the week, by the month, by the day, or even by the hour. 

 

Agender: Someone who does not identify as any gender. 

 

Pangender: someone who identifies as many gender identities at once.

 

Just as we discussed in the sexualities section, this may feel like a lot. People love to joke about the “200 genders” and say things like “if you can identify as x, I can identify as an attack helicopter”. In the end, does it make a difference in your life how other people identify their own gender? Nope! But does it make a difference in someone’s life to be able to find an identity that feels just right for them? You bet it does! Just like all the different sexualities, you don’t need to have every identity memorized. You just need to have your mind open to the idea of people having identities you haven’t heard of before, and feel comfortable doing some independent research to learn more.

 

We’ve talked a bit about the labels, but what does this look like in real life? How does someone know that they’re trans? It’s a little different for everyone. Because everyone experiences their gender differently, it makes sense that not everyone knows in the exact same way or at the exact same time that they’re transgender. Some young kids know right away that they’re trans. There are people like me who come out around puberty as they start to develop secondary sex characteristics that they feel uncomfortable with.  

 

Some trans and nonbinary people, but not all, experience something called gender dysphoria, which is a feeling of discomfort that stems from feeling a mismatch between your sex and your gender identity. This feeling can be distressing and difficult to deal with. Some people transition as a way to mitigate that gender dysphoria. For others, transitioning is a way to seek out gender euphoria, a feeling of joy that comes from feeling at home in your identity and in your body.

 

Though I can’t tell you about the “universal trans experience”, because there isn’t one, I can tell you about my experience. Trans topics weren’t something I was exposed to at any point in my life, so when I started to feel a sense of discomfort and disconnection from my body I was confused because I didn’t even have the vocabulary to try to look it up online. I was 15 when I started to become aware of the discomfort I was experiencing, and I really struggled with the feelings themselves and the confusion that went along with them. All I knew was that if I stared into a mirror and looked into my eyes, I felt like I was looking into the eyes of an entirely different person. Someone who was trapped. 

 

With a lot of time and a lot of research, I figured out that I was trans, and I started to go by the name Ben with my 3 closest friends. I began quietly purchasing more masculine clothes from the women’s section—for a while I was too afraid to even enter the men’s section—and wearing them in my room or when I went out with one of these 3 friends. Even after I first came out, I continued to struggle with my identity; I thought that if I was going to be a man I had to “commit” to it and become a hyper-masculine teenage boy, but I realized pretty quickly that this version of myself was just as much of a performance as being a girl was. If the point of coming out as trans was to live more authentically, why did I still feel so fake? With more time and more research, I came to understand that I could be a man who still had the same hobbies, same friends, and the same personality as I did before I came out. 

 

Once I settled in to the idea of myself as a more feminine man, I started to experience gender euphoria in many new ways. Though I struggled at times, especially as I learned to navigate the world as a trans person, I have become happier with each day that passes. When I had top surgery a year ago, my life was changed in more ways than I could have imagined and the euphoria I experience day-to-day is something I didn’t think was possible for myself 5 years ago. 

 

What I’ve shared with you is just one story out of over a million in the US alone. I will reiterate here that if there’s one thing you take away from this book, it’s that there is no right or wrong way for anyone to identify as anything. There is no set schedule, no set of steps, and no  process that’s required for someone to officially be trans, nonbinary, or any other identity. 

 

I will make a quick note here that later versions of the book will include, among many other things, a comprehensive review of all the different ways someone may choose to transition medically, an in depth review of the intersectionality of trans identities with other marginalized identities, and a deep dive into the long standing historical and cultural existence of gender variance. Though these resources aren't here in this document yet, they do exist on the internet, and if you’re feeling curious and open to learning about these topics, I implore you to do some of your own research. Researching on your own is one of the many ways that you can create meaningful change and be an active, impactful ally to the trans people in your life.